Breaking Hearts
by TheLions'PaleProtector
Summary: Three years after Jean's death, Rogue finds herself in a similar situation with the same two men and has to make a lot of rough choices- choices that will effect everyone.


**Title: **Breaking Hearts

**Disclaimer: **Regretfully, I don't own the X-men or anything that goes with them- not even Logan. sigh

**Rating:** Pg-13

**Genre: **Angst

**Summary: **Three years after Jean's death, Rogue finds herself in a similar situation with the same two men and has to make a lot of rough choices- choices that will effect everyone.

Rogue sat in her seat in the dimly lit, empty classroom, waiting, watching or maybe observing the man at the desk in front. Grading papers, his brow was furrowed in deep concentration and he briefly rubbed his tired eyes before returning his focus to his work. One dark, thick lock of hair that he didn't bother brushing away fell across his forehead and she felt the odd, sudden urge to lean in and brush it away tenderly, to take the shadows from his face- her heart warming at the picture he presented.

It had been three years since Jean's death; three long, hard years. But he was just recently starting to smile again- really smile, some of that old spark returning to his face. He'd been a lot more withdrawn, quieter, since and he still couldn't say her name, remember her, without being choked with pain and tears. Those last three years had been so rough for everyone, but his pain, she knew, was unequalled... with the exception of one other. And Bobby had stopped being an option for her long ago, her heart recognized that early on.

Because both Scott _and_ Logan had loved her so much more. Rogue's heart clenched. In those three years Logan had become a teacher there as well, staying on to share his experience and lessons in combating, and even with that, the gap between them had grown. He still protected her, still offered what comfort he could to her; they still talked and hugged and most of what they used to but it was strained, both holding a lot back. And in that time she had grown a lot closer to Scott; both respecting each other as people, as teammates, and as friends.

Yet it went beyond respect. He almost seemed... warmer and more human with her lately than the others, oddly enough. She was even amazed at how much he understood her, how they understood each other, and at how free she felt around him- free to say or do anything, and she gladly added him to the list of people who weren't afraid to touch her easily. Though he still couldn't replace Logan in her heart, no matter how weird things had gotten.

But her relationships with both tied her in knots. Because no matter what Jubilee or Ororo or even Xavier when she hesitantly, almost embarrassedly, asked- she couldn't help but feel that she was somehow putting herself in Jean's place. Rogue shifted uncomfortable in her seat and the man at the desk must've noticed, even in his state of deep concentration, because he looked up. "I'll only be a few more minutes, Marie, I promise," he said with a warm, genuine smile.

She replied with her own smile, heart giving a tug, "I don't mind, take your time." He nodded, the corners of his mouth still tilted up, and as he got back to work, she found herself reflecting again. Not many at the mansion knew her real name, much less used it, so it was almost strange, yet heart-warming when she heard it. Only Logan, and recently Scott, called her Marie.

She nibbled at her lower lip, brows drawn together. As her and Logan found less and less to say or do with each other (however they kept up their odd friendship) and her and Scott grew closer the small truce and understanding the two men had after Jean's death rapidly deteriorated into a standoff fraught with enough tension, and coldness, to choke a horse. And she was starting to think/realize that she had a part in that.

Logan's growls and his thinly veiled hostility seeing her with Scott, touching or laughing or just seeing her by/in Scott's room knowing that she'd comforted him in his pain was enough proof. And she could see, feel, for herself how much Scott was coming to care for her. Logan's aggressiveness towards her lately was growing too, centering around her and Scott.

It was so weird, and so very confusing all the same- especially what happened afterwards. Logan would snap and, hurt and sometimes near tears, she'd confront him... and then he'd soften, this look of regret and tenderness and frustration on his face, and he'd pull her into his arms saying he was sorry – and it was different, the way he held her. It was warmer somehow, almost possessive; his arms would tighten around her and he'd just breath in her scent, holding her just a bit longer than usual, and she'd feel so weird...

Rogue almost had trouble breathing when he held her like that. But then one of them would draw back and things between them were okay for a while. Though at those times she almost hated him for doing that to her, making her care again, bringing her back to a simpler time when she was so sure it had been love she felt for him. Then she hated him for confusing her, distracting her; hated him for making it harder for her to go back to Scott and just enjoy his company like she had before, be what he wanted/needed her to be, what she wanted/needed to be herself.

She would be almost seriously crushing on Scott in between those times. All the teenage girls in the mansion completely missed his attractiveness, missed how amazing he was. It certainly wasn't hard loving him/ wouldn't be hard loving him as she once thought she loved Logan. If only they didn't confuse her so badly. She knew both really cared for her though, in their own way. And, at twenty-one, everything changed for her, for all of them. The rules were different now that she could control her 'gift'. Which brought her back to her concern about putting herself in Jean's place.

Rogue shivered violently, sneaking a look back at the front of the room. There was just something in Logan's eyes, in his touch and in his embrace, so different then the tender (but thrilling) touches Scott gave her almost without a though, that just... got to her, drove her beyond crazy, almost made her think that he could (or did, she thought with guilty pleasure) care for her that way.

Rogue knew all the other girls stared after Logan, giggling behind their hands as they admired him and sighed dreamily; but she actually got to hang out with him, talk with him, hold him and be held by him. And that warmed her like almost nothing else. Her breath caught, her heart almost stopping, and her blood boiled, pulsed even as distress filled her as a recent memory she'd almost completely buried resurfaced.

_She had no idea what started it, but after a while she stopped caring. All she knew was that she was in Logan's arms, the intense heat of him seeping through her clothing, through to her skin, to her bones. Or to her heart. He stroked her arm softly through the thin material of her shirt, pulling back slightly so he could see her face and softly smooth back her hair, his thumb brushing her cheek in a soft caress. She was holding her breath, looking up at him with huge brown eyes, and then his lips were on hers. _

_Shock and surprise radiated through her, made her tense, and the suddenness of it threw her so off guard her powers activated. But he wouldn't let her pull back, just continued kissing her and then she threw up a mental block to shut her powers off- though it was too late to stop the flood of his thoughts, his emotions... his desire. Slowly, she relaxed into it, kissing him back, and soon the kiss grew fiercer, more passionate, demanding. She was burning up, squeezing her eyes shut as fireworks exploded behind her eyelids and she shivered in ecstasy._

_Then the sound of footsteps reached her ears, voices, and she pulled back, fingers pressed to her lips, as she glanced from Logan to the still empty doorway. "Scott," she whispered as he tried to pull her back to him, hesitant. Big mistake. Logan jerked away, growing, angry and hateful again, and stormed out the door just as the team leader appeared. Conflicted and hurting, she just stood there, staring after him, hands dropping to her sides. "Rogue, you okay?" Scott asked, taking her arm. She looked up at him, giving her head a shake to clear it, then smiled. "Fine." She replied, seeing his concern. He smiled softly, fingers gently brushing her cheek in a soft caress that replaced the coldness Logan left with a warm tingle. "Just fine."_

But it had been a lie then, just as it was now. She wasn't fine. She'd half believed that she made that all up, that it hadn't been real, until she saw the way Logan had looked at her at dinner that night. And then she tried so hard to repress it, tried to pretend that her relationship with Logan wasn't falling apart- that she didn't have to make a choice soon and things could go back to the way they were. Only it wasn't working anymore. She was stuck. Almost exactly as Jean had been stuck. She didn't want to be the one to break either man's heart again.

After Jean's death, after she saw the faces of the two men that had loved her, after everything had been opened to her, she had spent a lot of hours just wondering why Jean had made the choice that she made. Not that she had anything against Scott, quite the opposite in fact, but she still wondered- especially when it was so blindingly clear how Rogue felt herself. Touching her lips, she fought a despairing laugh as her gaze drifted back to the man working so diligently at his desk. She loved Logan best, loved him with everything inside her. But she would've still chosen Scott. Because Scott was safe.

"Done," came the sigh from the front of the room. Forcing a smile onto her face, she gracefully rose to her feet, walking over to the desk and feeling her heart trip a little at the sight of his handsome face. "Ready to go to lunch now?" she asked Scott softly. He nodded, the corners of his lips tipped up into a half-smile as he stood too. "Ready," he laughed warmly. "I could eat a horse. "You'll have to settle for steak, I'm afraid," Rogue teased back though her heart was heavy with the weight of her decision. God, she wished that she wasn't so afraid. But it was good to hear him laugh again after so long.

He leaned into her, putting his arm around her as they left the classroom and headed down to the dining room and she avoided Logan's gaze though she could feel the intensity of it from across the room. She could feel his pain as well as her own, could feel him hurting twice over because he knew that she'd made her choice just as Jean had. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him leave and knew instinctively he was heading to his room to pack. And when she turned her head to reply to answer Scott she couldn't explain the tears in her eyes. She should've been proud- even Logan wouldn't have been able to hear the sound of her breaking heart.


End file.
